Nurturing

Bible Verse: He will feed his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms, and carry them in his bosom, and gently lead the mother sheep.
-Isisah 40:11

Devotional: The hardest thing for me to believe is that God cares for me, loves me like an only child. I keep thinking I have to earn God's approval, or live a sinless life. No matter how well I understand God's grace with my intellect, deep within me is the feeling that love and grace are for others, not me.
I don't know why I feel this way, I had a happy childhood with affectionate parents, but the little girl inside me believes she doesn't measure up. And that little girls eats to feel better.
I'm going to tell God about that little girl, and ask Him to nurture her the way mothers care for their children. And then maybe I can find something besides food to make me happy.

For Further Reflection:
1. Do you really believe God loves and cares for you?
I try very hard to believe this, because the Bible says so, but I am plagued by doubts that I am worthy or that I have done too many things against God's will in my life that he could never forgive me all of them.
2. Are you eating so you'll feel better about yourself?
I think I eat to numb the pain I feel about myself. I eat so I don't feel bad about failing at something, only to turn around and feel guilty for eating, so I eat more to numb the guilty feelings. It's a terrible circle that I have to break!
3. Are you willing to tell God how you feel?
YES! I can't break the circle unless I am honest with myself and although God already knows what I am feeling, he wants me to speak it to him, because unless I speak it to Him, He can't help me with it. I have to ask first. And asking is what I am doing, each and every day, to help me with my temptations to eat when I am not hungry, to eat to dull the pain of failing or to rejoice in the success, to eat because I feel guilty. So far, each day is a brand new reward.

Prayer:
Dear Lord, the Bible and the Church say that You love me. Teach me to be satisfied with Your love instead of food. Amen.

Goals Update:
I wanted to put this brief update after my devotional, because these devotionals are really what has been keeping me in this. To daily read these, then later to share them here and to share my thoughts and answers to the questions, and to share them with some diet buddies...really keeps them in them forefront of my mind and allows me to actaully be able to do these goal updates.

Water: I am making 64 or more ounces a day every day this week.
Weight: I am currently down a total of 4.5 pounds after two weeks, and that is above my goal of 2 pounds a week!
Monthly Weight: My goal is to be down 10 pounds by 6-25, I am on pace to make that mark later this week! I am so excited!!!

Challenge:
I am involved in a forum, the biggestloserclub.com and we are having a June Challenge that runs for three weeks. It starts tomorrow, so tomorrow night, after the day is done. I will be updating my challenge notes for the day. I will copy and explain the challenge more tomorrow, but for now I have to get off to work!!