Nurturing

Bible Verse: He will feed his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms, and carry them in his bosom, and gently lead the mother sheep.
-Isisah 40:11

Devotional: The hardest thing for me to believe is that God cares for me, loves me like an only child. I keep thinking I have to earn God's approval, or live a sinless life. No matter how well I understand God's grace with my intellect, deep within me is the feeling that love and grace are for others, not me.
I don't know why I feel this way, I had a happy childhood with affectionate parents, but the little girl inside me believes she doesn't measure up. And that little girls eats to feel better.
I'm going to tell God about that little girl, and ask Him to nurture her the way mothers care for their children. And then maybe I can find something besides food to make me happy.

For Further Reflection:
1. Do you really believe God loves and cares for you?
I try very hard to believe this, because the Bible says so, but I am plagued by doubts that I am worthy or that I have done too many things against God's will in my life that he could never forgive me all of them.
2. Are you eating so you'll feel better about yourself?
I think I eat to numb the pain I feel about myself. I eat so I don't feel bad about failing at something, only to turn around and feel guilty for eating, so I eat more to numb the guilty feelings. It's a terrible circle that I have to break!
3. Are you willing to tell God how you feel?
YES! I can't break the circle unless I am honest with myself and although God already knows what I am feeling, he wants me to speak it to him, because unless I speak it to Him, He can't help me with it. I have to ask first. And asking is what I am doing, each and every day, to help me with my temptations to eat when I am not hungry, to eat to dull the pain of failing or to rejoice in the success, to eat because I feel guilty. So far, each day is a brand new reward.

Prayer:
Dear Lord, the Bible and the Church say that You love me. Teach me to be satisfied with Your love instead of food. Amen.

Goals Update:
I wanted to put this brief update after my devotional, because these devotionals are really what has been keeping me in this. To daily read these, then later to share them here and to share my thoughts and answers to the questions, and to share them with some diet buddies...really keeps them in them forefront of my mind and allows me to actaully be able to do these goal updates.

Water: I am making 64 or more ounces a day every day this week.
Weight: I am currently down a total of 4.5 pounds after two weeks, and that is above my goal of 2 pounds a week!
Monthly Weight: My goal is to be down 10 pounds by 6-25, I am on pace to make that mark later this week! I am so excited!!!

Challenge:
I am involved in a forum, the biggestloserclub.com and we are having a June Challenge that runs for three weeks. It starts tomorrow, so tomorrow night, after the day is done. I will be updating my challenge notes for the day. I will copy and explain the challenge more tomorrow, but for now I have to get off to work!!

Goals Updated 5-25-07

Well....I am updateing my goals.

1. Drink 64 ounces of water.
Well I have managed to get in 101 ounces on Tuesday, 67 ounces on Wednesday and 67 ounces on Thursday. I am currently at 33 ounces for today.
I have met the goal for these few days. Now I will revise the goal to read
1. Drink 64 ounces or more of water five days out of seven in the week.

2. Lose TWO pounds per week.
I weighed in today at 254.5, which is 2.5 pounds down from my actual starting weight of 257. So I met my goal for this week. Revising the goal to say EACH week.

Adding a new goal, about my McDonald's stops....I will not try to cut them out altogether, that would be just too much, but I will make better choices when I do stop and I will limit myself to two stops per week. That is attainable.

i am feeling good this morning!
Thanks for coming on this journey with me.

Guilty Eating

Bible Verse:
But if you refrain from vowing, you will not incur guilt.
-Deuteronomy 23:22

Devotional:
Just about every night I tell myself and God that the next day, I won't nibble between meals or eat the wrong things. But sometime during that next afternoon my hunger-light goes on and I start sneaking crackers with peanut butter, or cookies, or slices of cheese that get bigger each time.
When i say "sneaking" I don't mean I'm hiding from anyone. Nobody's there to see what I do. But I eat with a stealthy, huilty attitude because of my vow the previous evening. And the guiltier I feel, the more inclined I am to keep eating. For comfort's sake.
I fail at a lot of little pledges: This weekend I'll clean out all the closets; tomorrow I'll begin studying a foreign language; next week I'll start scrimping and saving for a trip to France....
The Bible says if you don't vow, you don't sin by failing. I think I set so many lofty goals for myself that i can't function when it comes to small ones, like taking my vitamins every day or skipping those afternoon snacks. I've got to sort out attainable goals and then take the first step toward them.

For further reflection:
1. Do you constantly promise yourself that you'll do the unrealistic?
Yes! Everyday. No snacks today; I will clean the house from top to bottom in a manner that would make my grandma proud; I won't spend a dime today; I will pray contiuneously today...I make so may and I fail at every one of them, that I no longer believe that I can attain ANY goal that I set for myself! I have to change that thinking!
2. Is one of those vows connected to eating?
Only one? Just about every one of them is connected to eating in some manner or the other. What else is new? I am always making a vow about food, always!
3. Would it help you to live "vow free"?
I'm not sure what that would mean. I need to be able to set a realastic goal, and work towards it, but ism't settign a goal a vow to make it to that goal. i mean I guess I set the goal and then work towards it, just not laying in bed at night so disgusted with myself for eating that day that i yell out to God..."I promisse you I will not eat tomorrow"...Ummmm, now that I have my head around this yes, it would feel so much better not to feel guilt if I mis-stepped, but knowing that I can still reach my goal in spite of the mis-steps.

Prayer:
Lord Jesus, You came to take away our quilt. Help me to stop vowing the unrealistic so i won't always feel like I'm falling short. Amen.

No more vows or promises to do anything. I will set goals, attainable goals and then move forward to them, once reached, I will set new goals! Small steps.

My Goals:
1. To increase my water intake. -done! I drank six 1/2 liter bottles on Tuesday, four on Wednesday and I have had two so far today. Each and every day has been more than I usually drink, since before I would drink diet soda all day and no water. Since I have met this goal, I need to revise it into number 2.
2. To drink at least 64 ounces of water each day.
3. To limit myself to ONE diet soda per day.
4. To go for a walk at least TWICE a week.
5. To lose at least TWO pounds each week. -this is a healthy, realistic goal. If it's more than that it is okay, but I am not going to push myself to try to lose more.
6. To lose TEN pounds by 6-25-07.

I am going to take it small. i know my overall goal is over 100 pounds to lose, but if I take it in 10 pound steps, I can reach it. It looks easier in writing and I won't feel so overwhelmed by the total number. Now I have my first set of goals in writing! I can't ignore them, because they are written here for me and everyone to see.

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Is "Diet" Dirty Word?

Some trust in chariots and some trust in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. -Psalm 20:7

You might read the verse above: Some trust in diets, some trust in calorie counting, but I trust in God's plan.
Many experts say that diets empower food, not people, because they're based on deprivation. And when we deprive ourselves of food we want, desperation takes over in time. We blow it. This is why the majority of books on wieght control spend the first chapter declaring, "This is not a diet book!" (even is they use diet in the title).
To those who have failed with diets repeatedly, Gwen Shamblin writes in The Weigh Down Diet, "God has never asked anyone to eat food off a list, to count fat exchanges, or to take an appetite suppressant. You have just been applying the wrong medicine to this condition."
This isn't to say that all diets or weight-loss programs are bad. God can and does work in conjunction with these. What matters is that He is central to our plan. For the purpose of this, let's redefine the word "diet" to mean:
- a Decision to change the way i eat and the way i approach food
- an Invitation to experience God's power and guidance
- an Educated plan for long-term health and happiness
- a Trust that God will never give up on me or love me less - no matter what.

Food for Thought: " Diet " doesn't have to mean deprivation.

A Prayer for Power:
Dear God, I admit that I have come to both love and hate the word diet. On the one hand, it represents hope for change. On the other hand, it's like a sign flashing "Failure ahead!" I don't want to simply embark on another faulty plan, Lord. I want to embark on a journey with You that is led by You and depends on Your power. I can do nothing on my own! And I don;t want to just punish and deprive myself. You and i both know where that leads: to rebellion and failure. Show me the right path that will enable me to change. Show me, as only You, who know me os intimately, can, what works for me, what is healthy for me. I want to think of this venture in positive terms, Lord - not that i am siging up to be miserable or in want. I want to learn to redirect my thinking, to feed my body waht it truly needs when it needs it. And to feed my sould wit the Bread of Life - You! Today I place my suture, my failures, my setbacks, all of my hopes and plans into Your hands. There alone will I find meaning and true success in my life. Amen.

As the tears stream down my face...all I can think is this is exactly how I have felt for a long time. I don't want to fail, I want to do this the right way. This is my prayer, my hope and my dreams....to lose the wieght in a healthy, long-term way with the help of God.
Thank you!!!

A Different Kind of Hunger

Bible Verse : Let them thank the Lord. For he satidfies the thirsty, and the hungry he fills with good things. - Psalm 107:8,9

Devotional:
Recently I saw Norman Rockwell's painting Freedom from Want. It reminded me tht the world is full of people starving for all kinds of things.

I'm starving for something I've thought was unreachable. i try to satisfy my inner longings with food when what i really want is love, or appreciation, or independence, or maybe even fame. And I don't know how to get those things. I'm not even sure howto pray for them.

But today, with God's help, I'm going to make one move toward one of my desires: I'll start to write that poem, or tell someone I need them, or make the phone call that will start me toward my goal. And if tomorrow I eat instead, I won't hate myself; I'll just pray again and try once more to achieve freedom from want.

For further reflection: Write down some of the things you long for, and decide what small move you can make toward achieving one of them. When you make that move, check that item off and decide on another. Keep this list current.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, help me to identfy what I really want, and tech me how to reach for it. Amen.

This is so true! I want so much, but I fail to try for them because I am afraid to fail, and right now I can hide behind my weight as the reason I don't try, but if I lose the weight then if I fail it is all on me not the weight. I want to be happy, I want to like myself, I want to be fully loved, I want to go out with friends, and not feel like they are watching what I eat, or are embarrased to be seen with me. i want to go out with my husband and not feel like people are thinking what is he doing with the fat chick. I want to have the engery to play with my kids, I want to be an example to them, I don;t want them teased because they have a fat mom. I want, I want.....I want to like myslef! Just once I want to be happy with me, who I am right now....I have to do this! I am NEVER going to be happy or feel good about myself at this weight, and who says I'll fail if I lose the weight...I might just be a better mom, wife, housekeeper, friends etc when I lose the weight.
I was made in God's imagine, I am perfect and I can be the person he wants me to be, but only with his help! Am I ready to give him the control and try???
YES! I want him to help me to reach the place that he wants me to be and to use me to his glory!

Goals

We have to have goals, right....and so I was thinking.

My goal for this week...to wean myself off of soda, diet soda in particular. I need to be drinking more water anyway.

So this morning, I got up and drank a bottle of Nestle Pur Life water in the Orange Splash flavor. Once at work I had a bottle of the same in plain, no flavor, and since then I have had another bottle.

So far that makes my water intake today 1.5 liters....

It's a good start! Now I just have to figure out how many liters, since that is the measurement on the bottles we have here at work are in, I need to comsume in a day...

How to make the changes

You don't have to make the change all at once.
I love it when people wake up one day and say, "That's it. No sugar, pasta, bread, alcohol. I'm going to work out 18 hours a week, and no more fun." I wonder if it occurs to them that this approach may be one of the reasons they don't make it to the second week. Granted, for a small percentage of individuals out there, this works. However, for the rest of us flesh and blood humans, change is difficult. I don;t know about you all, but when I make these radical changes I can't keep them up. So what is the way to do it?
How about we approach the change with a slow and steady strategy?
1.Write down what changes you want to make in your day-to-day lifestyle.
2.Make a list of foods that you can't live without and foods that you are willing to give up.
3.Figure out what forms of exercise are attractive to you, that you relate to, and that you can see yourself participating in on a regular basis.
4. Create some goals.
--lose weight
--have more energy
--exercise 3-4 times a week
--go out and do something fun just for you once a week
--read more
--laugh with your family
--be more spontaneous
--take that risk you have been contemplating
OK, you get my point. These are just ideas, but make it your own list.
This I can handle. I need a journal, okay will this blog work, to write it all down, to make notes and to challenge myself daily to be accountable to what I have done today and what I should be doing.
After you've written all of this information down, start to create your strategy. If you can't live without pasta, then start slow. Don't go cold turkey but try to eat it less often. If you eat it three times a week, then make a vow to only eat it once. You could even begin by "substituting" healthier alternatives (e.g., rice pasta). If you can't live without five diet sodas a day, switch to an unsweetened tea and only have one soda a day.
Are you sedentary right now? Well don't start hitting the gym 5 days a week and kill yourself. Begin with walking and doing little things at home with light weights, and then start heading to the gym. Start by taking a few classes and lifting 2 times a week. You don't need to begin by going 2 hours a day -- start with 30 minutes.
How does that sound? I know you can make the changes. Just have a real plan to support you while going through the process. I like the idea of keeping a journal and writing it all down.
If you are up for it, you could even create a calendar to keep track of all of the changes --what activities you're doing, what foods you are or aren't eating. This way, the change will not only become obvious in you, but you'll be able to track how far you've come. I really think this can work. I think I can do it this time around, with the support, small steps and God's help I am going to make it, once and for all I am going to have a healthy lifestyle.
I found the advice in red on a website, and now I can't find it again! UGH! Don;t you hate that, but I had copied it so that I could print it out and work on it at home, and then I realized that i needed to add it here, so you all will understand the small goals and where it all comes from and the process behind the whole thing, because if you don't understand the process then how is it going to encourage anyone!

The Trojan Horse

To help me along this weight loss journey, I am reading a book called "Devotions for Nibblers" by Kristen Johnson Ingram which I was able to purchase through Crossings Book Club, http://www.crossings.com

This weight loss thing is something I can not do alone, I have tried for years! I have to have help, and turning it over to God is something that I know will work, it's just going to be a long journey, because it will be the right way, the healthy way...not starving to lose 10 pounds only to gain them back when I start eating again.

Yesterday's devotion was titled "Trojan Horse" and the bible verse was from Proverbs, chapet 19 and verse 6.....Many seek the favor of the generous, and everyone is a friend to a giver of gifts.

Devotional: The ancient Greeks rolled a huge horse up to the gates of Troy as a symbol of defeat. You've beaten us, the gesture said, and we're offering you this wonderful horse to show we honor your gods. Then the Greeks hit. When the Trojans brought the gift inside the city walls, they discovered too late that it was full of Greek warriors. The City was destroyed.
Every day I get a different offer i nthe mail: free coffee beans, a free vacation. But jus about every one of these "gifts" is a Trojan Horse. In fine print, I discover that I have to keep ordering coffee, or promise to drive to a remot location (at my own expense), then spend much of the "vacation" listening with a crowd of other travelers to time-share pitches.
Television ads keep offering me the gift of easy weight loss: I don;t have to exercise and can eat all my favorite foods while the pounds melt away. And inside this enticing Trojan Horse are expensive (and usually worthless) products or dangerous herbs and drugs that could shoot my blood pressure sky high. There ain't no free horse.

For Futher Reflections:
1. Are you looking for an easy solution to your overeating problems? Aren't we all? Don't we lead such busy lives that we can't take the time to exercise of fix a healthy meal, we eat on the run between ball games, dance recitial and a million other tasks that have to be done. But where is that getting us? There are no easy solutions, everything in life worth having requires work and effort on my part, so why would weight loss be any different.
2. Do you find yourself being gullible about free offers? Yes, I have in the past, and I have gotten burned on some many of those book clubs, that I feel I no longer believe them. Although I still find myself checking out things that say they are free only to find a huge shipping charge or some other requirement that I am not willing to committ to.
3. Are you willing to stop nibbling the harder way? YES! I have committed myself to this wieght loss, I have turned over the this I can not control to God, and I am depending on Him each and every day to get me through to the next day and to accomplish the small victories needed to get me to the finish line!

Prayer:
Dear Lord, You've shown me that the only free gift is Your grace. Keep me alert to falsehood. Amen.

I am sharing my devotional, and my answers with you to help keep me on track, holding myself accountable for everything I do, and in the process I hope that I am able to encourage just one person on their own personal weight loss journey!

Happy Birthday

Well....last week was my birthday, and it was one of those "9" ones, so I thought that I needed so reflection and goals and a plan of action before that next one that ends in a ZERO.
My weight has always been a struggle for me. I have never been thin, I was always "big boned" as I used to be called, and after having three kids, it has only gotten worse, to the point where I feel that I can't go on this way, so I have started really working on it with a friend as my moral support and guidance. But at the same time, I need to be able to vent, to write out the feelings and deal with the reasons behind why I ate in the first place. I already had this blog, "Notes from a TAMM creation" and I thought about here, but I am not sure. I was thinking of this being for family and a little business, but at the same time I can't grow my business if I don't take care of myself, and my weight is a big issue that I need to take care of for me to be able to have the engery and desire to grow the business. So for now, at least, I am going to post on here about the journey. I may well move the whole weight loss topic somewhere else, but I'll start here. Well, after thinking about it...I decided that it needed it's own space, so "My Weight Loss Journey" was born and will be about the weight loss.

Daily Calander thought for today: comes from a daily calander called "The Power of a Praying Woman".....Your relationship with the Lord must always have top priority over everything else. The Lord said, "You shall have no other gods before Me" (Exdous 20:3), and He means it. God wants your undivided attention.

Well, this is relevant to me in a big way today, because alot of times I put food before God. I eat when I am sad, when I am happy, when I am depressed or not feeling quite right...I used (and do use, but am working on that) food to cover a variety of emotions. I turn to food when I find myself in need instead of turning to God. How am I going to concore this? I don't know. Alot of prayer and support for starters, but it is going to be a long journey with ups and downs and yet I have to make a start