So I am still feeling a bit off, not like myself. This time I am not sure that doing anything with or making any changes to my medications will make any difference. And if we want to be really honest here, I don't think I have been feeling like myself since before the surgery!
Is it a mid-life crisis? How should I know?! I've never had one before but nothing feels normal, not even every day life feels like it should. Am I depressed, yea, but is it because I don't feel right or is it causing me not to feel right. Not sure, and it really feels to be a chicken or the egg kind of question at the moment, not sure which came first but it is not helping.
I have been looking at some ideas, things I have toyed with for years but never did anything about and I think it is time to do something about them, to focus one what I want to do for a bit.
Lose weight. Check. That is the one thing I been trying to do since I gained weight during all those fertility treatments. I have to focus on it, and I am not sure that I can do it myself.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Hard Headed Men
Why do men have to be so hard-headed? I have spent the last 45 minutes on the phone yelling with my Dad over this damn divorce! On Saturday, we got a note that she had filed for a continuance. This has been going on for far too long. She filed way back in May, and they were suppose to have a (hopefully) final hearing on Monday October 3rd.
So I talked to our attorney and he said that since the continuance was made on the fact that she JUST now hired a lawyer on the 22nd of September. Now she is the one that filed the original petition for divorce way back in May, and we hired an attorney the week before, which is quick for a lawyer to go to court, but I have worked my butt off to get him all the information that he needs and we are ready to go on the 3rd, that the judge will most likely grant the continuance.
Dad is pissed. He hates that she is dragging this out so long, it has been 122 days since she filled for the divorce, and she has been fooling around with her boyfriend, and living at the house doing whatever what she wants and he is just working and sleeping and his doing nothing. He is upset. It's not fair that she is living the high life waiting on this divorce and he is at home worrying about the divorce.
The other thing that is pissing him off is that he is not out at the house with the horses, and he worries about them, about if she is taking care of them or not or what is going on. He is also worried that she might be over there selling off everything of his that is out there. Although there is no real reason that he can't go out there and get his stuff, she is there and he doesn't want to see her or be around her. She is always picking on him and was always trying to get him into a fight, pushing as hard as she could to make him hit her, but he never did.
I don't know what to do. Should I go out there by the house and check on the horses? Should I take him out there are get some of his stuff or should we just wait out this divorce? What can i do to make sure this goes well, because I am sure it is not going to be over once the divorce is final because of the mortgage and loan that they have, but she has already agreed to keep paying, she wants the hose anyway, and Dad just wants his name off them. It's not going to happen easily, and that is probably going to hang over his head for a long time.
The problem is that he is just getting so mad and angry and that he isn't listening to reason. He is pissed about the continuance, and he thinks she is playing games with him, and this is all just to make it longer and make it harder on him. It's not actually, it's just because she hired a a lawyer right before court.
It really stresses me out talking to him and having to yell at him to get him to quite going off on her and to listen to what i am saying. I am ready for this all to be over, but i know that it is not going to be for a long time, ever after the divorce is final,
So I talked to our attorney and he said that since the continuance was made on the fact that she JUST now hired a lawyer on the 22nd of September. Now she is the one that filed the original petition for divorce way back in May, and we hired an attorney the week before, which is quick for a lawyer to go to court, but I have worked my butt off to get him all the information that he needs and we are ready to go on the 3rd, that the judge will most likely grant the continuance.
Dad is pissed. He hates that she is dragging this out so long, it has been 122 days since she filled for the divorce, and she has been fooling around with her boyfriend, and living at the house doing whatever what she wants and he is just working and sleeping and his doing nothing. He is upset. It's not fair that she is living the high life waiting on this divorce and he is at home worrying about the divorce.
The other thing that is pissing him off is that he is not out at the house with the horses, and he worries about them, about if she is taking care of them or not or what is going on. He is also worried that she might be over there selling off everything of his that is out there. Although there is no real reason that he can't go out there and get his stuff, she is there and he doesn't want to see her or be around her. She is always picking on him and was always trying to get him into a fight, pushing as hard as she could to make him hit her, but he never did.
I don't know what to do. Should I go out there by the house and check on the horses? Should I take him out there are get some of his stuff or should we just wait out this divorce? What can i do to make sure this goes well, because I am sure it is not going to be over once the divorce is final because of the mortgage and loan that they have, but she has already agreed to keep paying, she wants the hose anyway, and Dad just wants his name off them. It's not going to happen easily, and that is probably going to hang over his head for a long time.
The problem is that he is just getting so mad and angry and that he isn't listening to reason. He is pissed about the continuance, and he thinks she is playing games with him, and this is all just to make it longer and make it harder on him. It's not actually, it's just because she hired a a lawyer right before court.
It really stresses me out talking to him and having to yell at him to get him to quite going off on her and to listen to what i am saying. I am ready for this all to be over, but i know that it is not going to be for a long time, ever after the divorce is final,
Monday, September 26, 2011
Divorce Stress
I've been married for a little over 18 years now, dated my husband for 4 years before that, so we have been together 22 years! That's a long time. But right now we are struggling with the stress of a divorce, and it's not even ours, it's my dad's fourth one.
Back in June he called to tell me that his current wife had filled for divorce and that although he was still staying out at the house with her, things were bad. She had a new boyfriend that she was sneaking into town to stay with all weekend, and expecting him to take care of the horses and the house. So I started going down and picking him up for the weekend and bring him to our house.
She filled for the divorce on May 25th, and they elected to go into mediation instead of hiring attorneys. Their first court appointment was July 6th, and although not much went on, they basically turned in a list of what each party wanted to the mediator and went home, they got in an argument on the drive home, basically because Dad was pissed off that she came into court covered in hickeys from her boyfriend. he kicked him out of the car an mad him walk home, this is a 63 year old man, not in the best of health in the heat of July! He called me and I came and picked him up, and he has not been back out to "her" house since.
Their second court appearance before the mediator took place on August 31st, and although they were called in few minutes before their original court time, by 3 minutes past court time they were done. She refused to look at or agree to any of the options that my Dad presented so the mediator told them it would have to go to court! Talk about being mad!
We called around that day and got an appointment with an attorney and we talked it through, there really isn't much to the whole thing, in fact there are no kids, just a house with a mortgage, a personal loan and some farm equipment, most of which came from my grandparents when they passed away and then the horses. So the attorney said this should be pretty simple and pretty fast. Saturday w get a letter in the mail stating that she had retained and attorney and that he had filled for a continuance. NO! We had purposely not notified her that we had retained an attorney yet to keep her for getting scared and filing for a continuance. There is really not that much to divide.
So this morning I called the attorney to let him know and see if there was anything we could actively do to try to get the continuance not granted. I mean, we only hired our attorney a week before she hired hers and she is the one who originally filed the petition, so she should already have everything she needed worked out. right?
I am so stressed out over this, and it is making my Dad mad and stressed, and it worries me that this is the kind of thing that might make him fall off the wagon again, and this is NOT the time for that to happen, but there is a part of me that is thinking she is pushing just to see if she can't get him to fall of the wagon, just to say see, he's not fit. But then again they don't have kids so it's just the horses they are dividing, but she wants EVERYTHING, and according to her since Indiana is a No Fault divorce state that means that she gets everything! NOT! She just better be glad that Indiana is a no fault divorce state because I am sure she doesn't want my Dad trotting out her boyfriend that got fired for hiring in and working on under someone else's name, or the fact that he has since left her to go back to a pregnant girlfriend and she has another boyfriend already.
Push me too hard and I can get pissy! This is just a bunch of garbage. The only reason she wants a continuance is so that she can continue to live her life with the comforts of all the equipment that Dad would gt in the divorce, or to cover up the fact that she is out there selling off all of Dad's stuff! How do we stop this? How do we get things going and get this were it needs to be? i am just so angry!
Back in June he called to tell me that his current wife had filled for divorce and that although he was still staying out at the house with her, things were bad. She had a new boyfriend that she was sneaking into town to stay with all weekend, and expecting him to take care of the horses and the house. So I started going down and picking him up for the weekend and bring him to our house.
She filled for the divorce on May 25th, and they elected to go into mediation instead of hiring attorneys. Their first court appointment was July 6th, and although not much went on, they basically turned in a list of what each party wanted to the mediator and went home, they got in an argument on the drive home, basically because Dad was pissed off that she came into court covered in hickeys from her boyfriend. he kicked him out of the car an mad him walk home, this is a 63 year old man, not in the best of health in the heat of July! He called me and I came and picked him up, and he has not been back out to "her" house since.
Their second court appearance before the mediator took place on August 31st, and although they were called in few minutes before their original court time, by 3 minutes past court time they were done. She refused to look at or agree to any of the options that my Dad presented so the mediator told them it would have to go to court! Talk about being mad!
We called around that day and got an appointment with an attorney and we talked it through, there really isn't much to the whole thing, in fact there are no kids, just a house with a mortgage, a personal loan and some farm equipment, most of which came from my grandparents when they passed away and then the horses. So the attorney said this should be pretty simple and pretty fast. Saturday w get a letter in the mail stating that she had retained and attorney and that he had filled for a continuance. NO! We had purposely not notified her that we had retained an attorney yet to keep her for getting scared and filing for a continuance. There is really not that much to divide.
So this morning I called the attorney to let him know and see if there was anything we could actively do to try to get the continuance not granted. I mean, we only hired our attorney a week before she hired hers and she is the one who originally filed the petition, so she should already have everything she needed worked out. right?
I am so stressed out over this, and it is making my Dad mad and stressed, and it worries me that this is the kind of thing that might make him fall off the wagon again, and this is NOT the time for that to happen, but there is a part of me that is thinking she is pushing just to see if she can't get him to fall of the wagon, just to say see, he's not fit. But then again they don't have kids so it's just the horses they are dividing, but she wants EVERYTHING, and according to her since Indiana is a No Fault divorce state that means that she gets everything! NOT! She just better be glad that Indiana is a no fault divorce state because I am sure she doesn't want my Dad trotting out her boyfriend that got fired for hiring in and working on under someone else's name, or the fact that he has since left her to go back to a pregnant girlfriend and she has another boyfriend already.
Push me too hard and I can get pissy! This is just a bunch of garbage. The only reason she wants a continuance is so that she can continue to live her life with the comforts of all the equipment that Dad would gt in the divorce, or to cover up the fact that she is out there selling off all of Dad's stuff! How do we stop this? How do we get things going and get this were it needs to be? i am just so angry!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
The Journey...
As I work on my journey towards a normal life again after a total hysteroctomy, I keep finding that no matter what I do, something doesn't feel right. That I feel like i am living in someone else's body.
Then it hits me, I am not writing! Well, for the longest time I couldn't even think, let alone write for a long time. Finally I am starting to dream in stories again, and that tells me that the time to write again has come.
But where. I have three blogs. The one I have been using for my book reviews and things associated with the books, and there is a part of me that doesn't want to mix this in with that. But I still want to keep that one for writing and for books. The original blog, that I started with the things I was creating, I still want to keep for that, as a business blog, in case i ever make it back into that life where I am able and wanting to build a business again. So that leaves this blog, and the last blog. I said that I wanted to keep the newest blog for my books and writing, but the writing I meant was poems and books chapters and that type of writing.
What about this more journal writing, the stuff that I write to keep my head on straight, to focus me and to help me feel like myself? Well, the more I thought about it the more I felt it needed to go here, on the journey blog. It may not specifically be about my weight loss, but it is part of my journey in life and where I am going, and hopefully it will lead to some weight loss. So this is the place to put the writing about life, about emotions, about stress, you know the journal writing.
Ok. So now I know where to put this and I am ready to go. So I have started and I am ready to move on, to get my life back and that is what I am working on doing.
Then it hits me, I am not writing! Well, for the longest time I couldn't even think, let alone write for a long time. Finally I am starting to dream in stories again, and that tells me that the time to write again has come.
But where. I have three blogs. The one I have been using for my book reviews and things associated with the books, and there is a part of me that doesn't want to mix this in with that. But I still want to keep that one for writing and for books. The original blog, that I started with the things I was creating, I still want to keep for that, as a business blog, in case i ever make it back into that life where I am able and wanting to build a business again. So that leaves this blog, and the last blog. I said that I wanted to keep the newest blog for my books and writing, but the writing I meant was poems and books chapters and that type of writing.
What about this more journal writing, the stuff that I write to keep my head on straight, to focus me and to help me feel like myself? Well, the more I thought about it the more I felt it needed to go here, on the journey blog. It may not specifically be about my weight loss, but it is part of my journey in life and where I am going, and hopefully it will lead to some weight loss. So this is the place to put the writing about life, about emotions, about stress, you know the journal writing.
Ok. So now I know where to put this and I am ready to go. So I have started and I am ready to move on, to get my life back and that is what I am working on doing.
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